Friday, August 19, 2011

summer's love song {part 2: waiting my life away}



 So I think it’s safe to say that summer is officially over.  In only a few hours I will be moving freshman into their dorms and Orientation 2011 will be underway!

I think it’s also safe to say that this summer has stretched me beyond my limits several times.  This past week I’ve really tried to reflect on what God has taught me these past couple months. 

It didn’t take long.  As I read through my journal entries and blog posts, His message rang loud and clear:  Wait.

More times than not, I found myself frustrated with my situation.  I bombarded God with questions.  “Why am I here, Lord?  What am I even doing for You?  How could You use me in a place like this?  Do I even belong here?  What is my purpose?  Where am I going?  What’s going to happen next?”

And to be perfectly honest, not many of those questions were answered.  So, the frustration set in.  “God, don’t You see how badly I want to be used by You? What are You waiting for?  I want to live for something greater than this, greater than myself.  I feel so selfish.  Use me!”

God did provide an answer—just not the one I was looking for.  It was a Sunday, and I was attending a church I’d never been to before, sitting with people I’d never met, singing a song I’d never heard.  When we got to the bridge, the lyrics pierced right through my heart and all I could do was stand there and cry.

They simply said:

I am weak, Lord.  You are strong, Lord.  I know I must learn to wait.

But of course I’m too stubborn to just learn my lesson without a fight.  “Lord, I have been waiting!!! I’ve been waiting all summer!!!”

I waited for an internship.  I waited for a job.  I waited for a vacation.  I waited for my boyfriend to come home.  And then I waited for him to come home again.  I waited for shifts to end.  I waited for people to call back for interviews.  I waited every single lonely night for the clock to hit 9 because that seemed like an acceptable time to go to bed when I had nothing else to do.  I am so tired of waiting.  I am waiting my life away!

This time it was His Word that touched my aching heart.

The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease.  Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.  I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in Him!” The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for Him.  So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.  And it is good for people to submit at an early age to the yoke of His discipline.

~Lamentations 3:22-27

Wait patiently for the Lord, be brave and courageous.  Yes, wait patiently on the Lord.

~Psalm 27:14

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire.  He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along.  He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see what He has done and be amazed.  They will put their trust in the Lord.”

~Psalm 40:1-3

So here it is, the end of summer, and I am still waiting.  And to make things worse, the new semester brings on a slew of new questions.  “Am I taking the right classes?  Am I still in the right major?  What is my end goal?  When I get out of here, what am I going to do? What about NEXT summer? How can I start preparing now so things turn out better?  What’s my purpose, God?  What’s my passion? How are you going to use me here, in this new place?”

Yet, God never ceases to encourage me.  It just so happens that the theme verse for Orientation this year comes from Isaiah 40.

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
   or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
   He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
   He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
   And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
   gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
   young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
   They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
   they walk and don't lag behind.

~Isaiah 40:27-31 (The Message)

“Yes, God, I hear you loud and clear!”  So, I’ll keep waiting.  But until then, I “can’t wait” for the day I can tell you it was all worth it—because I know it will be!

2 comments:

  1. Waiting is definitely the hardest part. I know through our struggle with infertility...there were so many questions. Why me? Why us? Why other people? Why am I on this journey? When will this happen? Will it happen? If it doesn't happen...can I still love you? Will I still trust You?

    His mercies are new every morning! Once He reveals His purpose, His plan and lavishes His blessings...it will so much more than you ever dreamed...all those dreams while you were waiting...You will fall on your face and He will receive all the glory!

    Love you girl!!!

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  2. The hardest seasons of my life are always the ones where I learn the most and that I look back on with thanks. Waiting's never fun. But I'm glad you've recognized God's hand in the circumstances.

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