Wednesday, June 6, 2012

about time

Time. It doesn’t matter what season of my life I am in, there never seems to be enough.

I had high hopes of writing a blog post last weekend. And the weekend before last.

I was going to write about how amazing my Memorial Day weekend was. I was going to write about weddings and love and friendship and all that mushy gushy stuff that everyone eats up.

But unfortunately {or fortunately} for you I just didn’t have enough time.

Which is actually kind of strange to me. I’ve always considered time management one of my strengths. The “master” of multi-tasking. The “pro” at planning. The… nevermind. You get the picture.

However, ever since I started this job, this “master” has really just been off her game.

I wake up every morning at 6 a.m. Scratch that.

Every morning my alarm goes off at 6 a.m. I wake up somewhere around 6:15. Brush teeth. Wash face. Makeup. Hair. Clothes. Cereal. Pack lunch. If I am lucky, I’ll make it to work around 7:45.

Then, I’ll work until noon. Thirty-minute lunch. Work until 4:30 or 5, depending on which office I am at that day. By the time I get home and change clothes it’s 5:30.

Now, if I want to go to bed by 10 {which I really want to do}, everything I want to do for myself has to occur in those 4.5 hours.

1-hour workout. 15-minute shower. 30-minute dinner. 1-hour basketball lesson. 30-minute family time. 45-minutes editing and posting to the Threefold website. 15-minute phone call with the boy. 10-minute preparation for bed. And now it’s only five minutes to bedtime. And that’s if no surprise obligations pop up. Or if I actually decide to not just sit down and rest.

And then I have to start all over again the next morning.

I guess this is what they call a reality check. My first full-time job and I am realizing what a time commitment it really is. Talk about some serious motivation to find a job I love and am passionate about. {Note to self: Get on that!}

But I didn’t write this post to complain about my job {which I really love and am really blessed to have} or my extracurricular activities or all the things I don’t have time to do but wish I did.

I am writing this post because my perceived lack of time is having worse effects than absent blog posts or a nonexistent portfolio. Maybe you didn’t catch it the first time, but there’s something extremely important missing from daily schedule.

This always happens. I get a little bit busy or a little bit stressed, and the first thing to go is my time with God. And man can I feel the effects…

Some things are obvious like my lack of patience or my easy temper. But some things are way beneath the surface. These past few weeks, I’ve started feeling a deep sense of frustration. Why am I here? What am I doing? What in the world can be the purpose of all of this?

But instead of seeking answers, I just blamed Him for the situation. Instead of thanking Him for all I have this summer, I ignored Him for all I didn’t.

Yet, He’s so faithful. For reasons I can never completely understand, He’s gently pulled me back into His arms. I felt purposeless because I was ignoring the One who gives me purpose.

So, I have to go back and work on this time management thing.

I can afford to miss a blog post. I can’t afford to miss my time with God in the Word.

Oh, the joys of those who do not
    follow the advice of the wicked,
    or stand around with sinners,
    or join in with mockers.
But they delight in the law of the Lord,
    meditating on it day and night.
They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
    bearing fruit each season.
Their leaves never wither,
    and they prosper in all they do.
But not the wicked!
    They are like worthless chaff, scattered by the wind.
They will be condemned at the time of judgment.
    Sinners will have no place among the godly.
For the Lord watches over the path of the godly,
    but the path of the wicked leads to destruction.

~Psalm 1

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