Tuesday, January 14, 2014

i ripped... my dress

Do you know the episode of Spongebob where he accidentally rips his pants and then discovers everyone else thinks it’s hilarious? I don’t really either {I googled that}, but I do remember {part of} the song he sings at the end. You can listen to it here. That’s the song I had stuck in my head all day Thursday.

Let me set the scene for you.

I got up at 5 a.m. Did you read that? I GOT UP AT 5 A.M.! And I actually wasn’t too unhappy about it. I did my Insanity workout. I took a shower. I made my husband an omelet – that’s never happened on a weekday in the history of forever.

There was enough time to curl my hair and actually put on eye shadow. Then, when I was completely ready, I had an extra 10 minutes just to relax and prepare myself for the rest of the day.

And the best part? I had the perfect outfit. I’d been dying to try a button-up shirt underneath my LBD ever since I saw this outfit from J’s Everyday Fashion. And I knew my new shirt from NY & Company would be perfect one.

I liked my outfit so much, I even took a picture of it for my favorite outfits Evernote. See my horrible selfie skills here:

Even with a gigantic mirror, I can't take a selfie to save my life.

I forgot to mention that it was raining. But, it didn’t even matter, because there was no raining on my parade. My umbrella was in my car where I could actually use it!

It was going to be the best day in a long line of not so good days. And as I skipped into work, I took an extra-long skip over an extra-large puddle and heard the most ominous sound in the world: “RIP!” – the simultaneous snapping of a thousand threads.

“It was only a couple of threads,” I told myself as I rushed straight to the office bathroom. But, alas, the slit in the back of my favorite LBD had grown several inches. Not enough to show any goods, but enough to make me uncomfortable.

I couldn’t tell how noticeable the rip was when I walked, and I was too afraid to ask any of my coworkers to tell me. So I spent the whole day confined to my cubicle, only getting up when it was absolutely necessary. I even came up for arguments in my head for why no one would look at my butt.  My sole trip to the break room for lunch consisted of me slithering with my back against the wall 007 style and running down empty hallways.

There was only one close call. As I was exiting said break room, a visitor from a meeting stood talking on her cell phone. I nodded my head politely and quickly walked past her when she stopped her conversation to say, “Hey!”

Blood drained from my face as I contemplated feigning ignorance. I slowly turned around and gave her a look that said, “Me?” Cell phone lady gave me a big smile and said the best words of the day, “I really love those shoes. Where’d you get them?”

Needless to say, I made it through the day and home to my loving husband who only made a couple jokes about my ripped dress before assuring me it wasn’t too bad and that it could be fixed.

This is me happy to be home from work. I'm a survivor!

So what’s the moral of this story?
-Don’t go puddle jumping in little black dresses.
-Always wear cute shoes.
-And don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself.

I ripped… my dress!


  1. that sounds like a day in my life & totally what i would do if i ripped my clothes! i hope your dress can be fixed easily because it's super cute! glad you can laugh at yourself - it's something i'm still learning!! :)

  2. oh gosh, this def sounds like something that would happen to me! that outfit is killer though, love it!

  3. Bahahaha... it's always funny when it happens to someone else! ;P

  4. I was lucky{?} enough to grow up with three brothers who teased and harassed me constantly. It was either laugh it off or always be upset. You learn quickly to laugh at yourself. :)

  5. Well, I sincerely hope this does not happen to you. And thanks! I love{d} it, too. Still crossing my fingers that it can be fixed. Now just have to find a seamstress...

  6. Yes, it's so much easier to laugh about it several days later. In the moment it was very upsetting. But please feel free to laugh all you want!

  7. "Don't Go Puddle Jumping in Little Black Dress" sounds like the title of an incredibly witty and hilarious memoir! I'm glad your dress can be fixed, it's a cute outfit!

  8. Ha, if only I was half as witty as I wish I was! Thank you, Donna, hopefully it will be restored to its ripless state soon!

  9. the way you tell this story makes it even funnier! love it!

  10. Thank you, Beth. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

  11. just clicked over here from the post about funny things your husband says. Hilarious!