Thursday, March 13, 2014

t3 - mourning the loss of singleness

A year and a half ago, I sat on a bed of a fancy Chicago hotel after hours of journalism workshops. My news editor lay exhausted on the adjacent bed and we both knew we didn’t want to speak another word on page layout, headlines or motivating your staff to hit deadlines. 

Somehow the conversation turned, as it always seemed to do at that time, toward love and marriage and future plans between Daniel and I. If you’ve read our engagement story, you know that in October of 2012, I had no idea what the future held for our relationship, though I desperately wanted to.

I deliberately turned the conversation back on her. She was newly wed that summer, and I asked question after question about what life was like “on the other side.” Then she said something that greatly puzzled me, something I’ve never forgotten. 

“The best marriage advice I’ve ever received was a from a dear friend who told me, ‘It’s okay to mourn the loss of your singleness.’

I don’t remember how I responded, but I know inside my brain was yelling, “WHAT?!? Mourn this time? I don’t want to be single anymore! AND, I know few women who do.”

After nine months I’m still not entirely sure what she meant by that, but it usually comes to mind on weekends like these. See, Daniel leaves tonight to go home for several days, and I’m honestly mourning the loss of spring breaks. But, for the next four days, I get to experience the closest I’ll ever be to single life again (with exceptions for unspeakable circumstances). 

So, I ask myself, what do I miss about single life? How would I spend the next four days if I were a single woman? The answer is most likely “hang out with friends the whole time” - but most of my friends are married, gone for Spring Break, or incredibly busy, so that’s not really an option like it was in college.

Therefore, I’ve compiled a short list of activities {three to be exact - for Thursday Three} for the upcoming days:

1. Cross Off My Bucket List
I thought I had gotten way off track, but now that I have looked through my bucket list, I realize I’ve done pretty good for the first year of dental school. I’ll need to add some more items soon. But this weekend I hope to cross off “take that hot yoga class.” I literally just hit “register” for a class Saturday morning, so it’s either go or forfeit 20 bucks. Wish me luck!

2. Get My Craft On
A couple weekends ago, I forced Daniel into Hobby Lobby to pick up some supplies for a DIY Necklace Holder that I have been wanting to make. These supplies have been sitting in our living room closet since then untouched. This will be the perfect weekend to get my act together and spark some creativity.

3. Change Up the Menu
The very best part about Daniel leaving {which is in all other ways extremely sad for me} is that I no longer have to worry about feeding two mouths, three times a day, for four days this weekend. If I want to have an apple with almond coconut butter for dinner, then I can and not feel guilty about not cooking a meal! But, I can also try out several recipes I've put on the back burner because I KNOW Daniel wouldn't like them. Anyone want to join me for dinner this weekend?

There are also other things to look forward to - like sleeping in the middle of the bed, not picking up gigantic man shoes in all rooms of the house, getting to pick the girliest movies to watch. {Can you tell I’m trying to psyche myself up for a weekend home alone?} But, not going to lie, though I miss aspects of singleness, I certainly don’t mourn for it. 

What are your thoughts? Any of you mourning the loss of singleness? OR do you have any ideas for how I should spend this weekend?


  1. Enjoy your weekend! I love reading books on relaxing weekends.

  2. This was an interesting post. Hmm... my single days ended about three years ago, but I honestly think I was too busy with school and life to take the time to mourn them :P

  3. Yes! I still sometimes have to mourn the loss of my singleness.. Even though I'd NEVER change being married. When I see fun things my single friends are doing or things like that I have to remind myself of how thankful I am that I'm married. :-) I hope you have a GREAT weekend!

  4. I don't think I could ever say that I "mourn" being single--though I've definitely advised other young women to not "wish it away", as singleness could be gone much sooner than you think. I did not expect to get married young, but then I did. And I think our marriage has had more "singleness" than I would perhaps prefer due to travel and opposite work shifts...but there are good things about being single. I'm not sure my little sister believes me when I tell her, but it's not as easy to go out with friends all the time when you have to get dinners on the table for a hungry husband, when you have a house to care for and a wive's responsibilities. I love it, I wouldn't have it any other way, but it is different.

  5. I'm with you... there are certain parts of it that I miss, but I wouldn't say I "mourn" it. Luckily, Pete and I each get enough time alone because of our work schedules that it works out perfectly. :)

  6. I don't know if it is because I don't have someone to be a couple with, right now, but I actually love being single. I love having the entire bed to myself, being able to go to a bar and enjoy the view (if you know what I'm saying...), not having someone to share everything with (maybe this is because I'm a little selfish)... Of course I would be very happy to find love but this is a good life.

  7. Me too! I just finished "The Interestings" but since I gave up online shopping for Lent, I haven't been able to purchase a new book for my Kindle. This would be the perfect time to read all those books lying around the house that I never get to.

  8. I know this is late, but I seriously loved this post. These past seven months have been a roller coaster of emotions between desperately missing and mourning the single life I left behind, and never being happier in all my life than getting to spend life with Sean!! I have also thought, am I just being discontent in those moments of sadness? Those days of feeling like I want to go back? I had a chance to go back home and visit my family last month and was away from Sean for a week - and let me tell you, I couldn't WAIT to get back to my man!

  9. I know exactly what you mean! There's a definitely balance between finding time for yourself to recharge and spending time with your favorite guy. Though right now in the middle of dental school, I could actually use way more "us" time and way less "me" time!